Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Hindsight is always 20/20

When you become a parent, opportunities suddenly present themselves. Not necessarily opportunities that you would hope for, but ones that definitely shape one's character.
It seems like when I became a mother of a 2 year old, the Lord took it as perfect timing to shine a mirror in my face. I was faced with my insecurities every single day with this sweet little rascal running around, causing havoc. And the funny thing is, Avery was just about the easiest little toddler I have ever met! Like they say, 'hindsight is always 20/20 vision'.
But as I look back a few years, I remember so many opportunities that "presented" themselves that I did not grab by the horns. I gave into many insecurities and didn't allow the Holy Spirit to flow through me.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galations 5:22-23

It is humbling to admit that I didn't realize all these things could not come from me. I just didn't get it. I thought if I just tried hard enough I could be patient enough, kind enough, and self-controlled enough to be a good parent. I didn't understand what it meant to "walk in the Spirit", it was too abstract. It took me A LOT of "opportunities" and A LOT of pursuing the Lord, to "get it". And when I finally had the "ah ha" moment, the problems didn't just end all of a sudden. Walking in the Spirit is just like learning to walk (except it takes a lot longer to figure it out). In the beginning, and I'm still in this stage, there is a lot of falling, scraping your knees, getting back up only to trip and fall again. My kids give me A LOT of practice! I have my good days and my bad days, but I realize He will never leave me or condemn me. What a relief!
Avery gave me an opportunity (actually he has given me many lately) the other day.
He has been getting pretty "lippy" lately experimenting with many words and attitudes, which has become a huge pride thing for me.
So, Avery and Ally were playing outside the other evening and our neighbors' little girls were playing in their backyard giggling and having a great ol' time. When suddenly Avery began yelling at them with many "words" and "tones" that I never imagined my child could use, let alone know. eek!!! Andy quickly sent him to his room and let me in on the situation (I had been bathing Eva during all of this). Hmmmmm.... what to do?? We could have disciplined "our" way, lecturing, maybe a spanking, and go to bed early with shame and condemnation on his head. But! We actually took a moment and thought it through. It took a little bit of pride bashing on my part but Avery and I marched over to our neighbor's house to apologize (it happened that the girls were having a birthday party, so there were about 5 little girls there) and then we walked back home to go to bed early. It was a rough evening, but not as rough as it could have been. I think Avery will remember it, but who knows- I'll probably remember it more clearly.
My girls have given me lots of mirror moments also. For example, Eva recently passed out because she was throwing such a tantrum, holding her breath too long (yes, this is my 14 month old, Lord help me). And Ally, well, you can read this story.
God definitely has a sense of humor. Sometimes I think He is just messing with me, but really He is giving me as many opportunities to become more like Him.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9

1 comment:

Mommy to Four Blessings (so far) said...

I can relate to this blog entry. When we adopted our two Ugandan children I thought I was a "pretty good mommy." Boy did the Lord have a lot to show me--dashing my pride against the rocks! I also struggle with the "pride" of my children's behavior--worrying that if they are not well behaved people are going to point a finger at me. Oh, the work that the Spirit has yet to do in my heart! Ephesians chapter 1 has blessed me immensley--we have the "power of God" at work within us--if we would just let down our pride of self worth. I am so unworthy! He is worthy.