This week the Lord has been asking me this question, "Are you committed to me and my plans for you?"
I have recently experienced my first moment of serious doubt about all of these decisions to sell our house, buy an RV, etc..... It hasn't really been anything that anyone has said or done, just the reality of it all is setting in. Up until this week I have been very passionate and convinced that this is where the Lord is leading us, I have had no doubt. We have come up against some who disagree or those who are concerned for our safety but that has not made me question whether or not this is what we should do. My faith has been challenged, yes, because I would like everyone to be on board with what we are doing. This doubt, however, is totally different. The enemy is attempting to battle my commitment to the Lord's plans for my/our family's life. He saw that we were in a moment of inactivity and pounced on the opportunity. I was looking away for a moment and my shield of faith was down, giving the enemy the chance to strike.
I instantly began forgetting what our purpose was in this step of obedience and started to focus on the things that everyone else was worried about.
I started asking Him, "Why can't we just stay here, move into an apartment, and minister to the poor downtown? Why are you asking us to just jump from place to place in an RV of all places? Aren't we supposed to develop relationships?" Questions, questions, questions.
Yes, those are all valid arguments for someone who would like to stay in her comfort zone. HA!
So after a day of this I did the only thing I knew I should do, I prayed and took it to the Lord. He is so faithful to answer those who call on His name!
He asked me the question. "So, you have a little doubt. Are you just going to quit and give up everything I have for you so you can stay in your little bubble? It is true, you don't have to do this, I will not force you to obey. I love you so much and I want you to do this because you love and trust me."
At this point I realized again how much I need Him. I began remembering the purpose of this life change. We are leaving our comfort zone because we want more of Him and because He is calling us to the High Places. (I'm reading Hind's Feet in High Places right now- so good). We cannot experience the height, width, and depth of His Love unless we are willing to step into the unknown with Him. This doubt that the enemy was so excited about was once again turned on his head. I am more at peace now than ever before and I understand the importance to stay alert and ready with my shield of faith. When my spirit is wavering, so is my shield. When my spirit is saying "Yes", I have power over the wicked one.
"Above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one." Eph. 6:16
So as He continues to lead us forward, my faith is being stretched, my eyes are constantly being refocused, and my love for Him is growing. And when I begin to feel the temptations and the dark moods again I will confess loudly that my heart is to seek my God only.
Like David, in times of doubt and discouragement, we are to come to the Lord and say, "My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast....." (Psalm 57:7)