Sometimes, more often than not, this is all I see. An unmade bed, the vacuum that beckons my name, dirty dishes to be done, messy homeschool room, spilled milk, etc.
Sometimes, more often than not, this is all I hear. Voices that wake up sleeping Luci, slamming of doors, arguing children, stomping feet, etc.
If I allow myself to only see and hear these things, how am I ever going to see the good in anything? Why do I have to be such a Debbie Downer? Anxieties are high, stress is high, teeth are grinding, and one last straw brings mama lion out on the prowl. YIKES. It's not pretty, I hate it, but it keeps happening.
I've talked about this before, but it has been a while.
Motherhood is hard, no matter how many kids you have. But if you have the Holy Spirit and you listen to Him, it can be the most rewarding, joy filled, amazing thing of all. It is only because of Him that I can say that mothering has been a positive experience. Without Him to help me see and hear, I would be a miserable, bitter, selfish wife and mother.
With God, I can actually serve my husband and children and think of them as better than myself because He helps me see Jesus in their faces.
It's pretty easy to switch His voice off though. He's not normally screaming and hollering at me, like I do with my kids. So when I am yelling and fuming, it pretty much over-powers any other voice I could possibly hear. And I'm pretty sure my kids can't hear His voice over mine. That makes me cringe just thinking about that.
Having four children does not make me a professional. However, over the years, it has brought me a little bit lower. My inadequacies are shouted at me every day and I can either shout back at them or bow down to the One who makes me adequate. It is harder to bow down.
Motherhood is emotional and if you let your emotions lead you it will be a very lonely, hard and defeating road. I know this because I let my emotions take over more than I'd like to admit. Bad habits are hard to replace with good ones. When you are used to seeing messes, it is hard to see and put a voice to the one toothbrush that DID make it back in the toothbrush cup. Seriously.
But when you do choose to bow down to the One who makes us adequate, grace is then released and able to flow. I tend to fight and throw fits sometimes. Just thinking about it makes me laugh....and then say, 'Really?'. Like I said, habits are hard to replace. Discipline is hard to accept and put into practice.
So to avoid being deaf and blind, I ask for strength, perseverance and courage to bow low. I want to be at a place where I can receive His grace so that I can then give Grace to those I have been entrusted with.
"Discipline is the effort to avoid deafness and to become sensitive to the sound of the voice that calls us by a new name and invites us to a new life in discipleship." -Compassion byMcNeill, Morrison, and Nouwen
And praise the Lord that I am free to bow low and let it flow. (ha! I'm a poet.)