....I get overwhelmed.
Take for instance, this blog. I think the last post was in June. The moments and thoughts that I'd like to write about start piling up like a snowball and then I just quit. Lots of activities, hobbies, sounds, thoughts, and tasks are not my forte. I am not good at multi-tasking. And for the sake of justification, I don't believe I should be good at it. (I think that is a lie that someone started spreading to all us women.) Attempting to multi-task causes me to be freaked out and stupid.
To be honest, it is only by the grace of God that I am not holed up in my closet, sucking my thumb, while all four kids and husband, run a-muck.
God made me a right-brained, artsy, dreamland thinker. You'd think this type of person would be pretty easy-going, floating around and smiling all the time. And if everything in the world were right and good, then yes, this might be true. But it makes me laugh with that vision in my head now.
This is why God made people like Andy, my sweet, get-shit-done, husband. Yes, I said the "sh" word because that is what he does. I don't know where I would be without him, really. He helps me stay focused, helps me with tasks, and keeps me reigned in by reminding me to take things one thing at a time. He helps me create systems.
The Holy Spirit and systems keep me above water.
I discovered the Holy Spirit about 7 years ago. With Him, my husband, and a couple very close friends, I have been counseled through hurts, pains, dysfunction, emotions, and the ability to critically think.
I have only discovered systems and my need for them 2 years ago. Maybe because I have more kids and less time to figure stuff out. Maybe because I have finally sorted through enough of my spiritual and emotional junk that now I can finally think about practical things that make my daily life look and feel like Jesus. Whatever reason it is, it is God's timing. And I am ready to learn.
And while I discover this and learn new life management skills I ask for a healthy fear of systems. They are of the world. Yes, God created the world, but is not IN the world. He lives in me and gives me the power to do all things through Him. Relying on anything else will only cause failure. Systems is a gift that He is offering while I am here in the world.
I know and love too many people who have either rejected systems because they don't want to have to use something of the world OR they have received them and relied too heavily on them. God gives and He also takes away. We can receive His gifts and keep our hands open, we can recieve His gifts and become reliant on them, or we can reject His gifts and miss out on what He offers us through them.
I pray for a healthy perspective and reliance on His Spirit for wisdom in knowing the difference between His gifts and Himself and to not be afraid of either one.