It has been a while since I have written a post, not because of lack of things to talk about but because life has felt extra busy recently. Luci is going a mile a minute, I've taken more time for school with Avery mostly, and more of my time has been spent on my family, friends, and community around me than on anything else. Which is good, but I miss writing. It helps me process and actually gives me an opportunity to share my thoughts without waiting to be asked.
Lots of things God has been speaking to me about but they all seem to come back to the idea of discipline. It is true that discipline gives me peace and rest. Finding that healthy balance of relying on God, going when He says "go", waiting when I don't hear anything and creating good habits. Hard but good.
I have spoken about my friend Margarita before but wanted to give an update on our friendship. Many, many praises to Him for giving me the perseverance and consistency of just being available to her. Like I've said before, there is not a whole lot of spoken communication between her and I which limits my abilities but it is a good thing. And like I've said before, my friendship with her has taught me more about who Jesus is than anything ever before.
I see Margarita every Tuesday at our house and she comes in and instantly inquires of where I am if I am not there to greet her right away. She, as well as her sister and mother, are here early to help us set up food pantry. And the other day after we were all done setting tables up and cleaning produce we had some time to wait before the food pantry opened. I was washing the dishes and I notice that she is inching closer to me and just awkwardly trying to be near me, hanging out. Inside my heart I was praising Jesus for this very quiet, yet very noticeable movement toward me.
Her and I have gone on walks recently since the weather is getting a little more friendly. We don't go very far or very fast but it is "together time". More often than not I am the one asking questions and pursuing conversation with her in between sometimes long periods of silence.
But last week while we walked she began asking me questions and talking when normally she would choose not to. Nothing terribly intense but, again, it was a move toward me.
It has been almost a year of pursuing Margarita and it seems the fruit of Trust is just starting to show. The discipline of availability in this crazy world of busyness and chaos is a hard one to learn. But if this discipline is what gives Life to Margarita than it is so worth it. Jesus loves her so much.
I have also had some opportunities to pray boldly over her, declaring His Love to reign in her life which casts out all darkness. She struggles with anxiety and hears voices speaking evil things to her on a daily basis. She smokes to ease her nerves and then at the same time has asthma attacks which brings her down even farther. The doctors have only thrown medicine at her and it makes her sleepy and out of it. I tell her God loves her every time I see her and I pray over her when I feel the Spirit lead. I am standing in faith that God is healing her, washing over her, and renewing her mind. I also believe I am the only person in her life that knows and loves Jesus. And because of this I am the only tangible example of Jesus that she has. But I guess He knows that and somehow I seem to be just the person for the job.
Praise Him for covering me in grace and mercy for I fall short every time. Praise Him for also giving me the freedom to Love without expectations or agendas. His LOVE is always enough!